I started working at my job in January of this year and Marley and I were married in December of last. Both of these combined threw my life into a very different sphere. I've thought a lot lately about marriage. How marriage changes a relationship, the differences between Mormon/Eternal marriages & non-Mormon marriages. I was speaking with a co-worker several weeks ago about marriage. He is about 35ish and lives with his girlfriend who's about my age. They've been living together for about as long as Marley and I have & have known each other for only a few months longer. This got me thinking about how crazy it is to move in with someone you barely know & I can't understand why someone would do it. This also got me thinking about how some people instead of just moving in with each other after that long of time actually get married!! How crazy can these people be! Yet they are both equally happy with their lives. The craziest part of all to me is that more often than not, the people getting married after such a short time of knowing each other are the "Mormons".
Now, my friend at work who lives with his girlfriend says that she's the one, they are so in love, he's never going to find anyone better. This brought the question to my mind, then why not get married? His response was basically, "I don't know, I'm just not the marrying type, I've seen so many people live together, then they get married and it ruins everything." As far as I can tell, in relationships like these there is absolutely no difference between what they live & their relationship than what most people would consider a proper marriage relationship. So what is it about marriage that changes things and what is it that actually changes, and how does it change without notice? I was trying to ask Marley these things the other day and I think I just made him nervous. His response was that now we have so many more responsibilities & things to worry about. I thought this could be plausible so I quickly made a list of worries in my head:
Pre-marriage worries (for both of us):
- money
- wedding plans
- work/finding a job
- school/homework
- where will we live
- time together
- time with friends
- callings
- debts/payments
- staying righteous
- chores/errands
- family
Post-marriage worries:
- money
- work/finding a job
- school/homework
- where will Marley finish his Bachelor's/where will we live
- time together
- time with friends
- callings
- debts/payments
- chores/errands
- family/when should we have kids
- keeping the commandments
So, they are pretty much the same exact list. Shouldn't having someone to share the burden with make it easier instead of harder? That's how it was before we got married, at least for most things/most of the time. So what changed? I'm not saying that I'm not happy in my marriage or that I wish I could take it back. I wouldn't trade Marley for any man, not even Joaquin Phoenix (before he decided to break into the music business & stop shaving & washing his hair). I just honestly want to know.
