I can't stop thinking about my friend Josh who died a month ago. He was 27, 8 years younger than me. I can't stop thinking about how he was alone when he died and how now his family is without him for the first time at Christmas. I think about how now every year at Thanksgiving and Christmas his family will remember how he's not going to be there this year, not going to walk through the door with a smile and a greeting and I ache. I ache for all the many years they will be apart until they see him again. I ache for all the times when I could have done more to ease his way and I didn't, either because I couldn't or because I didn't. I may not have been a friend who knew him best or a friend who spent the most time with him but I was a friend who cared for him and I miss him.
I miss my family. A little over a year ago we moved from San Antonio, TX to Cincinnati, OH. I am from Indiana and most of my family lives within 2 hours of my new home. I lived in San Antonio for 10 years. I think I had a secret wish that after we moved I would never have to spend another holiday away from my family. But here we are, back in San Antonio for 2 weeks. I am missing yet another Christmas and yet another New Years with my family and all the feelings of all the past missed holidays are crashing down on me.
Add to these two things that I don't even like Christmas in the first place. I think it's a sham holiday and I hate it. Christmas makes me angry, really angry. I hate all the effort people put in to seem like good people around this time of year. I hate all the over-the-top decorations and how people invent things about it all to make it seem like they're worshiping Christ but really they're just doing most of it for show, or because they like presents, or to look better than their neighbors, friends, family, etc. I hate Santa, I hate Christmas presents, I hate how people try to politicise it and/or turn it into something for their own gain, "THERE'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!" I hate when people say, "keep the Christ in Christmas" or "remember the reason for the season", Jesus Christ was born in April for crying out loud! I don't know how Christ feels about it (I wish I did) but I'm angry on his behalf.
Let's examine the situation for a bit. Let's say that you did something really amazing, something so amazing that changed the course of all humanity. People decide you are so amazing that we need to have a holiday to celebrate your birth every year. This is pretty cool right? Except, they pick a day that's not even close to your actual birthday and that was already a holiday for something else. Then, people decide that there need to be presents involved because it is now tradition for people to receive presents on their birthday. Pretty cool right? Except, the presents are not for you. They are for everyone else, but at least people are being giving which is something you always taught so that is good. But then the gift giving turns into this whole thing where adults have to get really expensive and/or thoughtful gifts for every single person that they know (and the mailman!) and people go into debt to try to keep up with all the present buying and then people start a trend where since they are now so exhausted from all this present buying that they need to now buy something for themselves too so it's all about how good they look for other people and how self indulgent they can get away with being. Then, to top it all off, they decide that your contribution to society wasn't that amazing actually so they're going to give your holiday to this other guy...who's a made up person...who stalks children, but not in a creepy way! And they come up with this ridiculous story about this cool thing he does every year and thousands of dollars are spent every year on the colossal ad campaign to try to convince everyone that we made the right choice in ousting you from your fake birthday and that this guy is better because he does this cool thing that's not even possible and now we should all worship him because he's a nice person and it's good to be nice and give people (including ourselves) presents. And THEN, all the groups that were created for the express purpose of reminding people about your amazing contribution to the world say, "yeah, that sounds legit," and all the yearly celebrations get handed over to creepy guys in suits pretending to be the fake savior of the world and we all make our children sit on their laps (but not in a creepy way!) in order to get candy or to find out what expensive gift we are supposed to pretend not to get them.
So yeah, I get angry and depressed at Christmas. But here are some things that make it better for me:
- tastefully done Christmas lights
- snow
- making graham cracker houses with my family and then driving to our friends houses to give them away
- tastefully decorated Christmas trees
- candy and other Christmas treats
- finally getting to sing all the "Christmas" hymns
- caroling
- Christmas Sunday at church
- getting Christmas cards
- hot chocolate
- having an excuse to hang out with my family
- having an excuse to make and eat treats
- and for some reason I do actually enjoy wrapping presents and then seeing them under the Christmas tree.
So, if anyone else is feeling down this season, I invite you to read more about how you can find joy in life here: Jesus Christ: The Source of Enduring Joy
Happy Holidays.
Happy Holidays.
